Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 – A Not-review

November 21, 2010 at 6:56 am | Posted in Movies Shoovies | 8 Comments
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From the moment that I left office, at seven in the morning, drenched in rain from head to intermediate body parts to toe, I had a feeling that this day was doomed. When I woke up at 2 things were pretty straightforward. Skip bath – Eat dabba – Find clothes – Wear Them – Run.

Run, because we had to catch the 3.30 show of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 at Devi Cineplex. Run, because Ratatouille was on television and we had wasted 20 minutes watching it while doing the straightforward things mentioned above. And we ran. Ran to Thiruvanmiyur MRTS station, took two tickets and ran to the first floor, only to miss the local train by some seconds. The next train was at 3.30 and we weren’t carrying our wands. So we took an auto who assured us that he’ll drop us at Devi before 3.30. However, true to every autowallah’s word, he remembered mid-way that his auto needed petrol. It started raining again and we were in two minds now, whether to go late into a movie or to stay and enjoy the weather at the Marina beach. In the end, Emma Watson won. Our autowallah dropped us at a turn, pointing to some building at the end which was supposed to be Devi Cineplex. We ran(rather we swam) in the rain only to discover that the building was some bank. Another short run and a few turns, took us to another building which turned out be another cinemahall. In our third attempt we were able to locate Devi Cineplex, after exhausting the choicest north-indian(and marathi) abuses and after being drenched in rain from head to blah-blah to toes.

At 3: 50 we took our seats and Harry kissed Ginny.


Now, let it be known that I love the Harry Potter series. I’ve read the books umpteen number of times(even between semester exams) and somehow the whole concept of the world being divided into Magic and non-magic folk intrigues me a lot. And one day I want to own(or rent) a Castle like Hogwarts(or at least a house like X Lovegood’s). So as a fan of the series, it is disappointing to see the books treated so shabbily, like they did in the last movie(the half-baked Half Blood Prince). I had heard from friends that this movie is far better than the last one and my expectations were pretty high. I was, unfortunately(or therefore), very disappointed at how the movie turned out to be.

Making a movie out of a 700(or something) page book isn’t easy. Making two movies out it, isn’t easy too. Because a book, like a movie, has a climax. You cannot divide the climax into two and make two movies. So one of your movies will tend be less exciting than the other. I understand that.

What I don’t understand is Mr. Yates habit of cutting scenes and not taking things to a higher level. I felt this in Half Blood Prince and again I suffered from the same. He takes a scene, builds it well and then lets it go. Which is very disappointing. Very. And this is my major grudge(and maybe my only grudge) with the movie. You may say that this is best of the lot, because this adheres more to the book and any of its previous counterparts. But that doesn’t make it a good adaptation. Not even close. I loved the First and the Fifth part of the series but this one didn’t live up to my expectations.

Warning: Spoilers and rants ahead.

Since I didn’t see the opening sequence, I won’t comment on that. My worries began when they omitted the altercation between Harry and Scrimgeour. There was zero emotion in that scene, all of them appeared so fake. It was Dumbledore’s will being discussed but there was hardly any hint of surprise on the Trio’s face. And why did they omit the shuffle between Harry and Scrimgeour? That’d have set the pace of the movie perfectly. Talking of fake emotions, Mad-Eye’s death doesn’t come as a heartbreak to any one of them. JKR has described that scene pretty vividly in the book, but the actors fail to live the emotions.

Again, Harry Potter goes undisguised to Bill and Fleur’s wedding? When they land up in Tottenham Court Road(I guess the movie uses some other street), Harry still doesn’t use the Invisibility cloak. Deatheaters march upto the coffee counter, with their back at the trio, when they could easily have stunned them while entering. This isn’t a cowboy movie Mr. Yates.

When Deatheaters stop the train(in a very X-Men-ish sequence), we get a glimpse of Neville and Ginny and then, snap. Mr. Yates doesn’t linger around in scenes where a few extra frames could have made all the difference.

And again, the trio’s plans for infiltrating the ministry aren’t given any footage at all. It appears totally out-of-the-blue.

And my biggest grudge, HOW in the world can Harry Potter walk out of the Ministry without an invisibility cloak or without being under the effect of a Polyjuice potion? Ministry guards do not attack them – why show them when they are redundant(and absolutely useless)? Only one Deatheater tackles them, the rest of the junta is just a mute audience to the show. Can  you be any more stupid? Simple logic, Mr. Yates – Please read the book carefully next time around.

There are more loopholes. How does Bathilda Bagshot know Grignewald? What happened to Peter Pettigrew, why wasn’t his death depicted? No mention of Phineas Nigellus’s painting. Hardly any mention of Snape. Hermione picks up Harry’s wand and still manages to break it. And the list goes on.


However, this isn’t a bad movie. It has its comic moments(which on most occasions are genuinely funny) and its grim moments.I was particularly impressed with some scenes. The Horcrux’s behavior before being destroyed, Hermione’s torture, the snatcher chase and Nagini’s sequence. They were visually stunning and well crafted, especially Nagini’s attack on Harry. I was almost startled on one occasion(Take that, Mallika Sherawat). So was the story of the Pervell brothers: the animated ‘The Tale of the Three Brothers’ adds a different flavor to the movie. The locations are handpicked and feel very exotic, pleasant and menacing at different points in the movie. But Mr. Yates will get some brownie points for two special sequences, which are the only things that I’ll carry home from the movie. Harry and Hermione’s dance(which isn’t a part of the book) was a worthy deviation from the book. It could have been executed better, I feel but nevertheless, full marks for trying something different. JKR would be happy. And the scene that stood out in the movie, is that of Dobby’s death. Executed to perfection. "It’s a beautiful place, to be with friends". That, Mr. Yates, absolves you from a lot of your mistakes.


I won’t say that this is my favorite Harry Potter film but as a sequel to the Half-Blood Prince, The Deathly Hallows: Part 1 deserves a lot of praise for setting things right. And I know without a doubt, that the second part will be an outstanding success irrespective of how Mr. Yates treats it. Afterall, all isn’t well yet.

The friend who accompanied me to the movie, hadn’t seen most of the previous movies. He kept referring to Hagrid as Voldemort till I gave him a piece of my mind. However, he did make an interesting observation.The Doe Patronus sequence, he said, reminded him of Ramayana. Ofcourse, the patronus was more well behaved than Mareecha ever was, but interesting analogy I must say.

Should you give Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows a watch? – If you are a fan, you must. If you aren’t, you can.

And yeah, Emma Watson – We’d like to have the cute avatar back, so pliss to be using some Parachute hair oil and growing ghane mulayam baal.

Disclaimer: This is not a review, this is a rant-cum-reminisces post. We’ll call it a not-review. All opinions expressed are mine(in case you hadn’t figured this out already). Also troll comments on this post will be ‘Obliviated’.

Zeitgeist #1

January 26, 2010 at 1:05 am | Posted in Bhery Phunny | 16 Comments
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Zeitgeist – (from German Zeit- time and Geist- spirit) is "the spirit of the times" and/or "the spirit of the age." Zeitgeist is the general cultural, intellectual, ethical,spiritual, and/or political climate within a nation or even specific groups, along with the general ambience, morals, and sociocultural direction or mood of an era (similar to the English word mainstream ortrend). – Wikipedia


In my opinion, the most intelligent people on earth (after BCCI and Hockey India’s officials) are the folks at Google.

One fine day, they decided that they’ll use the aggregation of millions of search queries they receive every day to reveals this spirit, the spirit of our times. They were so fascinated by the idea that they’ve been doing this every year. So at the end of each year, you get an in-your-face account of the stupidity of the world – the spirit of our age.



For example, you’ll  learn that Britney Spears and Pamela Anderson have been the most searched women, worldwide from 2001 to 2005 after which Google almost gave up tracking them. (Later I guess, Paris Hilton dethroned them). Or that in 2007, the most important question after ‘Who is God?’ was ‘Who is who’. That in 2009, ‘Lady Gaga’ was more popular than ‘Windows 7’.

Then there are some mindboggling revelations about the ‘Indian spirit of the times’.  Sample this -  in 2009, Kambaqt Ishq was the second most popular search query.(!!!) Sarah Palin was more popular than Barack Obama, which is actually true . After much analysis, Google concluded that – “Google Zeitgeist 2009 is a real reflection of the spirit of the nation – which saw all the ups and downs and yet remained true to its love for entertainment, peace and hope!

Yeah, right.


But then, everybody loves Raymond Google. So if they say that search queries reveal the spirit of the times, then it must be so. Who are we to disagree with the company that gave us the biggest invention of all times –  Google wave Mail or Gmail *which half of people of Amethi assume to be Gandhi Mail*

So, coming to the point, I, as a true follower of the Google way of life – decided to establish a Zeitgeist using the statistics of this blog. If this is what the world is searching for, doomsday (2012) is by all means near. Have a look.


1. Most Popular:  Middle Finger

Middle finger is one of the most important organs of the body. It is mainly an instrument of expression which is sometimes used to carry out meaningless tasks like gripping, voting, sex etc. So when people search for middle finger, I am not surprised. Really. Not….


kid throws the middle finger 

Like kids throw a ball, or a toy, that way? 


middle finger explosion

This would be one unsuccessful suicide bomber, I am sure


birds make middle finger

Yes, and Gods play air-hockey


And the bumper prize goes to: Cat Middle Finger

This has to be one tech-savvy LOLcat. And guess what, we’ve found her.




2. Popular: Harry Potter

Now who doesn’t know J K Rowling? She is to the world, what Chetan Bhagat is to India. Ok, bad analogy but the fact is that I like reading Harry Potter books. I’ve read all seven of them and I am not ashamed of it. JKR’s writing prowess is none of my business and as long as she keeps writing books that has something to do with castles and magical mirrors, I’ll keep reading them. But let us not digress.

Since they(JKR, Harry, Hermione and Ron) are so popular, a lot of search queries are made looking for Potter-fiction and wallpapers, updates on the sequels and so on.

But somewhere down the line, these queries become ‘queer-ies’, for example:


harry ron kissing

I agree that JKR revealed that Dumbledore is gay and everything and that Daniel Radcliffe did go nude and all for a play that was titled ‘Equus’ (another word for Horse). But this is stretching your imagination really far. *farther than the goat jokes that JKR plugged into the book*


Again, we have a winner: Hermione needs to pee

 – Is this a statement or a question? Whatever it is, this is as moronic as Japanese porn


3. Somewhat Popular:  Cartoons

You mention Cartoon Network in one post and people looking for stuff like the following land on your blog:

sissy cartoon

I really don’t know what this guy was looking for


Gay cartoon network

Rule no. 34 in action, clearly.


Rakhi Sawant Cartoon

Aren’t they the same thing?


On a possibly related note, someone also landed here searching for:- “rakhi sawant fuk imeg”. Assuming such a thing really existed, do you really want to see it? Really? No, Really?


Honorary Mentions:

It is really difficult to categorize everything so here are some honorary mentions. Feel free to gross out or be blinded by the awesomeness:


shilpa shetty beliefs on alcohol

Just when I had lost all hope in the World, a silver lining appears. While the rest of the country is searching for ‘Shilpa shetty hot videos’ and ‘’Shilpa navel’ – here is someone who agrees that even Bollywood actresses have an organ called the Brain(though it might be vestigial in a few of them) and cares about their beliefs.


kidney stone bladder exit speed

I should have measured it when the stone came out. Damn. Next time, surely. It is not everyday that a physicist suffers from a Kidney Stone. I understand.


in which state arabian sea is ?

I don’t know that but I can tell you where Geographia is. *and no ‘liquid state’ jokes in the comments, please.*


sleeper cell pyar ho gaya

Another misguided terrorist. Sigh.


manmohan singh thinking

This needs a disambiguation. Sonia Gandhi thinking.

fuck with leady patient and wardboy

I can sense some radioactive sex here, leady patient and all.


general thought for aunty in Marathi

This is one confused wannbe manoos.


khan bow and arrow

No, this isn’t about Veer. Nor is it about a legendary duel between Aamir ‘Vacuum Cleaner’ Khan and Shahrukh ‘Crater’ Khan. This is probably about Ghengis Khan. 


difference between want and need

I want a State. I need a life. Clear?


hero puch

This is something very close to my heart *and bums*. Will blog about it someday. But people really search for that? On Google? Wow.


sania mirza balls

I am prepared to give this guy a benefit-of-doubt.


i want write comments to yash raj chopra

This is for the chap who has been visiting this blog and leaving comments asking if I know someone in the YRF camp so that I can arrange him a job. If you are reading this, I am sorry brother, I am not related to YRF in any way and considering that they are making movies like ‘Pyaar Impossible’, I suggest that you stay away from them too.


i am not dead Indian

I am including this in the list because of the variety of results you get when you search this in Google. It gives results like – Armaan not dead, Zero not dead, Indian Samosa Casserole, Monty Python, a scorpio called Zippy not dead – results as varied as BSNL’s broadband plans.


and to round it off:

addha pauua

For the uninitiated Addha pauua stands for different quantities of country liquor. An addha is half a bottle, a pauua is a quarter, or so I am told.


So I think, you now have a general idea of ‘the spirit of our times’. I, in my special way, have doubled these keywords on this blog which in turn will attract even lamer search queries, which of course translates to more food for blog posts.  

If you’ve survived so far, you must really love me or you might be hoping that I’d plug a photo of Shilpa Shetty here. In any case, till saner times return, Go Google.


This post isn’t a work of fiction but any resemblance to any person, place, state or celebrity(or their body parts) is still purely co-incidental *to be read aloud in a very matter-of-fact tone*

Also, if you were responsible for one of these searches, you can contact the author and claim credit for the same.


This post hardly involved any research but here are two articles that I found interesting:

Hairy Otter and the Kidney Stone

Tiny Foes

– and my tale of the Bermuda Triangle – Stoned.

Also, thanks to this poem, this blog tends to attract a lot of mathematical queries. Like -  

  • reunion vector
  • congruent lines with definition
  • what does three out five mean in volley
  • parallels lines

I’d like to clarify that mathematics isn’t my strongest subject.  It used to be once upon a time when I was class 2-c. But after I repeatedly failed to memorize the table of 13, my marks and interest in mathematics has plummeted. Please don’t waste your time here.

Also if you have more time to waste, you can try reading this, this and this – posts which are responsible for most of these keywords.

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