Man performs surgery on himself after reading a book

February 17, 2010 at 9:57 pm | Posted in Bhery Phunny, Faking News | 5 Comments
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Cross posted from: Faking News 

Gandhinagar. In a surprising series of events, a bookseller from Gujarat performed surgery on himself, after being inspired by a book. Panna Lal, owner of Jai Shri Krishna book stores in Gandhinagar, slit his wrist after reading management guru Arindam Chaudhuri’s bestseller – “Discover the Diamond in you”. Panna was hoping to find some diamonds inside him, an embarrassing reality that he was initially reluctant to admit.

The incident came to light when Panna Lal went to a doctor’s clinic to get a wound in his arm stitched. When he couldn’t specify the cause of the injury the doctor became suspicious and called the police. After being grilled by the Police, Panna Lal revealed that he believed that there were diamonds in his body and he wanted to find them.

“I could feel them at various places in my body but the book didn’t tell me anything about finding them”, Panna Lal told the Faking News reporter. So he began his treasure hunt by getting his body scanned. In one USG test, the reports revealed the presence of three stones in his kidneys.

“That day I was convinced that my body is a diamond mine”, he said. However when the kidney stones came out after painful deliberations, Panna Lal was heartbroken to discover that they weren’t diamonds. In fact, to his horror, the stones didn’t even have any astrological worth.

At last, in one desperate attempt, Panna Lal tried stitching diamonds to his body. “If you can’t find them, fake them”, he said “I had just read Abdulmutallab’s story and I thought it was a good idea”. So he bought some diamonds, cut open his wrist and tried sewing the diamonds in. But he didn’t have any previous experience with sutures and he couldn’t access Google because his internet connection was down. So when the blood loss didn’t cease, he decided to go to a doctor and thus his deeds (and diamonds) were discovered.

When asked for his comments, Author and Professor Arindam Chaudhuri said that he was surprised that his book could have such an effect on a person. While Panna Lal has been sent to Government Mental Hospital for further treatment, Faking News advises its readers not to go ‘by the book’ on every occasion.

Disclaimer: All in good humour and in case you didn’t realize, this is a fake news.

Related post: Volkswagen runs into a rough patch, sued by Indian Company

Not related but read it anyway: Daaru Pradesh – Gawd’s Own State

Volkswagen runs into a rough patch, sued by Indian Company

December 2, 2009 at 10:28 pm | Posted in Bhery Phunny, Faking News | 26 Comments
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Kolkata. Nitin Das was running a flourishing chain of automobile repair workshops under the name of ‘Das Auto’ when he saw the new Volkswagen commercial on National Television. Infuriated at his brand name being used as Volkswagen’s tagline, without his prior permission, he decided to take legal action against the automobile company. In a press conference later in the evening his lawyer announced that they’ve filed a copyright violation case against Volkswagen India.

Eyewitnesses report that Mr. Das was seen shouting “Ee na cholbe ee na cholbe” from his balcony, a popular bengali war cry from superhit movie Tiranga. “I have never seen Nitin da like this”, says their neighbour Chobi Biswas “He even removed his t-shirt and waved it while shouting slogans against Bolksbhagen”.

Volkswagen in a curt reply to the whole fiasco, has said that it is investigating the ‘alleged’ copyright violations. It is also speculated that they have hired experts from Max Muller Bhawan, Kolkata to draft an explanation of the tagline.

Mr. Das has however demanded an unconditional apology and has asked for immediate removal of all Volkswagen advertisements across all mediums. Though judging from the fact that Volkswagen has already spent a mammoth amount on the recent advertisement campaign, which includes hefty coverage in the Crimes of India, a compromise cannot be ruled out.

Lawyer K.C.Chaudhary who is handling Mr. Das’s case has said that they are not averse to an out-of-court settlement. This settlement is supposed to include exclusive servicing rights for Volkswagen’s cars to be given to Das Auto. But future course of action will depend  on Volkswagen’s reply, Mr. Chaudhary says adding that an apology is a must.

The issue has now got a political flavor with the CPM calling a Bengal Bandh on the 31st of November to support Nitin Das.

It is yet to be seen whether Mr. Das’s perseverance can force an international automobile giant to bend, but this brave move has gained Mr. Das a lot of respect. His neighbours are pouring in with eggrolls and fish curry to show their support and his business is on a roll too, much to the chagrin of his competitors.

“What’s in a name”, Shakespeare once wrote. Nitin Das might soon find out.


Disclaimer:

This post is a work of fiction, you know, just in case. 🙂

This post is a tribute to Faking News, one of India’s(rather Asia’s) best satire website. Cheers to you guys!


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