A visit to the Hospital

November 1, 2009 at 1:28 pm | Posted in Bhery Phunny, Random Rants | 6 Comments
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This post has been updated, scroll to the end to read only the updates.

Scene 1:

You enter the hospital premises. It looks good, just like any other hospital. It is midsized, one of those eternally-in-recession buildings. You walk up to the reception and ask “Can you tell me where’s the ICU here?” The lady will give you the you-look-like-an-insurance-policy- agent look and tell you that its on the second floor.

You walk up the stairs – one floor – terrace. Terrace? You run back down. Ask a wardboy and he also tells you that the ICU is on the second floor. You again climb the stairs but as you turn, you can see the sky above you *what second floor?*

You notice people sleeping in the aisles. You wake them up and ask them about the ICU. And again you cringe at the words ‘Second Floor’.

To hell with it. You climb to the Second Floor(read: terrace) and you reach a place which looks like an earthquake relief camp.

To your left are incomplete pillars, rubble, bricks, plywood, clothes drying on wires, Tiffin boxes, random junk and benches.

In front of you is a pile of rubble which bears the marks of ‘a thousand spitting sons’. There is also a bottle of Glucose, some chairs and more junk.

To your right are few rooms. One is the general ward(male), another is the general ward(female) and the third is the ICU. *THE ICU*

(There is also a table in the ICU lobby on which a presswala is doing istri(ironing clothes) with a smoke gushing charcoal iron, but that is another story)*

Scene 2:

There is a speaker in the ICU lobby. It is used by the office to remind people that you haven’t paid the advance amount for the day. So far it is good, extremely annoying but good, but sample this:

Announcement: “Zeeshaan naam ka ek baccha kho gaya hai. Agar aap uske maa baap hai ya usse jaante hain toh reception par aa jaye’”


Scene 3:

J to receptionist: “Ma’am, we just got this blood requisition form but there should be a stamp on it, the blood bank *which incidentally is a fucking one hours worth of travelling away* refused to accept it”

Receptionist: Which ass gave you this form without the stamp?

J: “The Assholes who work in your ICU”

Receptionist: *Stamps the paper and returns it*

Scene 4:

Announcement: “Pravin zara ICU ke bahar aa jayein” *Pravin, please come to the ICU*

Five Pravin’s march up to the ICU. Four burqa clad women and J.

Scene 5:

I am waiting in the ICU lobby. I am reading a Jeffery Archer because that is the only book that I can read in such chaos. The guy in front of me thinks I am reading a James Hadley Chase you get at those cheesy bookstalls.

The aunty sitting next to me is anxious and sleepy. There is a notice on the door which says ‘Maintain Silence’.

Suddenly a mobile phone rings(read: Screams) – “Ho gaya hai tumko toh pyar sajna, laakh kar le tu inkaar sajna”!

Aunty gets up, takes the mobile out of her blouse(ancient indian practice) and looks at the number. Then she picks it up at her own leisure and walks out to finish the conversation, while others in the lobby snigger at her. No one complains(which includes me).


When we talk of a hospital we assume a few things. Well organized facilities, rules, regulations, visiting hours, educated nurses and wardboys and above all cleanliness.

One look at the facility and I thought that if one of the good hospitals in the city is in this state, one can imagine the condition of the lesser known/ unauthorized medical centres that abound this city.

There is a complete disregard for silence. People are accompanied by kids who run around, scream, fall, get injured and join the list of patients.

Every patient is accompanied by atleast 15 people of whom only 2 are family(or lets say interested family). Rest come to the hospital for marking attendance, gossiping, cribbing, discussing news and politics(Aadha Jaipuar jal gaya hai aag mein and like).

There is  a dustbin. For decoration. Because people(including a few I know) will spit on the rubble, in the corners and anywhere they can spot. But this isn’t it. The wardboys(who are as educated and qualified and well mannered as Ajmal Kasab in an indian prison) have a special corner for them where they’ll spit. Everything is arranged. Anything is possible.

There are NO facilities for family and friends to sit/stay. J slept on a piece of ply in 12 degrees temperature for two nights. Thank you very much.

The hospital staff understand that talking and joking at the top of their voices helps boost the morale of the patient so they’ll laugh, talk, abuse at near-ultrasonic frequencies. So much for the ‘Maintain silence’ notice.

My faith in Common sense just took a major dent today.


The hospital isn’t as bad as I made it sound. The doctors are responsible and not the wallet-hungry kind. The hospital is our only choice because it lets the doctor of our choice call the shots and thus saves our patient. But why build something and leave it in tatters? What can explain this complete disregard for basic(read: basic) behaviour, common sense and lack of discipline on both ends?

As for my complaints, I complained to J, he had his share of grudges too and will talk it out with the doctors. I did ask the wardboys to mind their voice. I did ask the guard to tell the lady to turn her mobile phone to silent.  But there is only so much you can do. Hence the rant.





Well, I went there again today. This time I managed to click a few pictures which would lend some credibility to the tale.

It was there that I heard about this:

Uncle was shifted from the ICU to the HDU for a short while. When our doctor arrived, the statistics on the monitor suddenly went berserk, not showing outputs for a few variables.

The doctor was in a shock that a heart attack has probably happened and they weren’t aware of it. For those two minutes J went blank.

Then an attendant called out – “Arrey sir, woh ek electrode loose ho gaya tha”.

*speechless again*

The doctor wiped the sweat from his forehead(he is one of the old ones, those who care about their patients) and shrugged it off as ‘human error – manaviya truti’.

And just to round things up – here is an additional photograph.

Yes, the kid is playing with a used syringe(without the needle though). I told his grandfather twice that please take it away from him, but who gives a fuck really?

*(On a promising note though, the presswala has been ousted from the ICU premises. Thank God for little mercies.)


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  1. Being a person (err.. medical student – though I doubt that our breed qualify as ‘persons’ anymore) who is constantly in the hospital, I completely understand your perspective. The loud ringtone is most entertaining (read irritating) when it is of the patient you are examining. Quite comfortably, the patient leaves the examination couch, only after listening to the currently popular song for almost an hour, talk at his/her leisure and the comes back expecting the doctor to be waiting for him. Dare you tell them to switch it off, or even put into a silent mode for that matter, and comes the prompt reply, ‘Dacsaab, mere gharwale ka phone tha’ or ‘mera baccha bahar ro raha hai!’
    Trying to calm yourself down after a listening to a cell phone ringing loudly, walking 2 feet away from the walls (the ‘peekdaan’) and occasionally shouting at a patient or a relative for spitting here and there, has been inculcated from the experience of over 4 years. The “visitors” will take a long time to digest and get accustomed to this. So all my wishes for that! 🙂 (though not to my best interests, I wish you stay away from the hospital setting altogether)

    • Thanks a lot for the comment Ritu. After someone voted this post to be of ‘Poor’ standards I was very disillusioned about the way I must have put it, but your comment reaffirms my faith in my own skills.

      I have friends who are doctors and I believe that your breed 🙂 deserves to be called a person, or a human rather, contrary to popular opinion. Given the loathe the society has for those who do the dirty work for them, you doctors deserve a better treatment. 🙂 I’ve seen some really wonderful people who are doctors and talented ones at that. It is the moderately-talented, money guzzlers who bring your profession a bad name.

      It was refreshing to see the situation from your point of view. That explains a lot. My only concern is that how can people be so dim witted about the way they behave in public.

      People accompanying me were not too different from the rest. I gave a few of them a piece of my mind too and received some flak in exchange. But I’ll tell you, if I posted the pics of the place, people would have believed in this post. 🙂 *in case I go back to the place, I’ll post pics*

      I’ve been to better hospitals with much better service than this one, so this isn’t a generalized rant. Plus we are a city full of gutkha chewing scumbags so shouldn’t really compare with other places.

      And yes, I hope I stay away from the hospitals(as they say, stay away from doctors and lawyers – heard this 11 times in the last two days).

      Thanks a lot for your comment. You really cheered me up a lot!


  2. i think this is what happens in “Government Hospitals” in India, where the “Government” promises to give the best facilities. but we never get them, and needy people can’t bare the expense. they always wander here and there trying to understand where to go, and whom to meet.

    The result of my visit to this hospital was negative. Because government hospitals are made to help needy and there was no one who replied properly to patients or their relatives. It may sound awful but this hospital don’t have a reception even, yes but only an inquiry counter. There is not a single chair in the main lobby of the hospital.
    After my that visit I never want to go again in that hospital, not even to see someone, there is no cleanliness, no proper facilities, doctor, ward boys and sisters never reply in polite words to the patients and relatives.

    i never visited any hospital ever before my operation in September, that time i saw how the “Government Hospitals” looks like, and what facilities they actually have. here in my city the Biggest hospital of “sambhag” (sambhag includes area of 9 districts) is an example of that.
    The former CM of rajasthan gave so much amount and machines but all in vein, there are no improvements in the hospitals. You wont believe the team of doctor took 500 Rs after every operation, i was sitting outside the Operation Theatre with my ma and i saw that a helper of that best surgeon of ajmer came n asked the relative of patient to give 500 Rs after operation, and during the operation, he asked one of the relatives to bring “chai” from the canteen, they took this amount after every operation, mummy ko who rs dene ki zarurat nahi padi because my whole team was there, I heard whole conversation (though I wasn’t conscious) my colleague said “hum media se hain” and then the helper of the surgeon said to the ward boy “madam ko room mein lekar jao”. The day I was getting discharged, the doc with his team came to see me, and said (with his hand on my head concerning care) “beta humari team ke bare mein kuch mat likhna”

    After I got discharged I asked my boss that can’t we do anything, he said “we need some time, we will surely do something for that, because right now we don’t have enough equipments to do an sting operation”. I hope ur visit wasn’t as bad as mine was, and that ringtone incident, something like that happened here as well.

  3. hehe, an awesome post dude, just one question though – which hospital was it, i hail from kanpur as well!

  4. shocking!
    but hey i thought our hospitals were the worst in the world. looks like we have competition!

    good post btw.

  5. […] Previously: A visit to the Hospital. […]

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