So you want my vote?

April 9, 2009 at 8:48 am | Posted in Random Rants | 9 Comments
Tags: , , , , ,

No matter how hard I try, it is difficult to avoid the elections in India. So be it Advani ji speaking out to me on firangi blogs or indiavotes009 @twitter(where this post will eventually land), elections in india can be summarized in a phrase – Much Ado about Nothing!

With Jaago Re and Tata Tea urging me to wake up(!!) and vote – I feel what we need is a campaign to Jagaoo-fyย  good leaders and good people to contest elections in the first place. Its very difficult to choose the lesser evil.

Interestingly every political party has published its manifesto citing false tall claims – where some one is going for Ram-i-fication of an otherwise pseudo-secular country and another is pulling the Mango Man by the Hand. So we have the tiger and the elephant, flowers and body parts battling it out – only to create ruckus in the assemblies for the next five years – as we wait patiently for another terrorist attack, another scam, another riot or another election.

But Voting is the new fad – so the youth of the country is busy raising its finger to make a mark on the future of its country. Whether it is a mark on the future of this country or the blot on the Jaagoed Youth remains to be seen.

However, keeping in mind my precious vote, I decided to prepare an eligibility criteria for politicians to secure my vote. Here it goes:

  • You should atleast have a Post Graduate Degree with minimum of 65% in 10th and 12th standard, 60% in your Graduation and 55% in Post Graduation, without any gap years(yay~! Why should HR managers have all the fun!)
  • You should not have more than 2 kids(roadroller listening?)
  • You should know the national anthem, pledge and national symbols by heart
  • You should not have used any god’s or religion’s name in your speeches in the last six months
  • All your followers must at least be educated till Class 10th
  • You must have at least one engineer and one management graduate on your team
  • You should have contributed to some NGOs from your personal income
  • You should have sponsored the education of one underprivileged girl and guy(not from the reserved section)
  • You should not have made any hate speeches in the last six months
  • You must not be red-handed and must believe that West Bengal is a part of India
  • You should be less than 60 years of age(exceptions can be considered on a one-on-one basis)
  • You should not have remixed any song for your poll campaign – Jai ho!

Candidates applying for this vote will have to go for strict evaluation on the following criteria:

  1. Secularism analysis
  2. Hate Speech intensity
  3. Poll Campaign expenditure
  4. Fundamentalism and Gundamentalism tests
  5. Party and individual Corruption and Corruptibility indexing

Participants scoring low on the above tests will be selected for the next rounds:

  1. Behavior in Assembly analysis(headed by yesteryear’s speakers)
  2. Understanding of Indian national interest quiz
  3. Will you get my vote quiz(designed by another Facebook quiz maker)

Jokes apart, I’d really have voted for Congress had they not messed up with a song I really really loved – and I won’t vote for BJP either because Advaniji coming out from every blog doesn’t help much.

At the stroke of election hour, as India goes to vote, I go to sleep. Amen.

*Image credits: Unknown(if you own this, mail me at shantanu.adhicary [at] gmail [dot] com

9 Comments »

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  1. Well the criteria’s fine though I doubt whether there is anyone left eligible after this! Still, let us start voting first and questioning later can we?

  2. You missed some points on the criteria buddy:
    1.The candidate must have authentically clean criminal record.
    2.He must have organised at least one activity during college(of course only if he went to one), so that he can organise some good programmes for the country.
    3.He must have an EQ more than 7, we will request Stefan Covey to scale it.
    4.He must carry a licensed weapon.
    5.He must not be linked with any Glamour people.
    6. He must carry at least one participation certificate in any of the outdoor games.

    Will continue this……

  3. Hey, i liked this entry…however i have my apprehensions:

    1. Criterion for education seems a bit too strict. It should apply only to the post of PM and not every candidate for an MP. Please consider that there are efficient leaders even among the uneducated; if at all education (that too engg.) does something for a person, i think it spoils the leader in him!

    2. You can’t disqualify ‘roadroller’ on the basis of 2++ kids. His wife may have had a role in it ๐Ÿ™‚ Plus, concessions should be made considering that he was the best performing minister for the last 5 years.

    3. No matter what, you cannot un-vote for a party simply for they messed your song…Please consider poor PM or ‘high-command’ do not have a hand in remixing…if at all you need to blame, blame Digvijay Singh (publicity incharge!)

  4. @Tejas Da: My point exactly!

    @Pushkar:

    There are already limitations on criminal records but those can be bypassed easily.. Again lets not talk about organizing college activities.. ๐Ÿ˜› That makes you and me eligible for the PM..

    But the licensed weapon thing is a damn good idea..!

    Outdoor games and glamor!! LOL

  5. @Vasu:
    Still I’ll maintain that some basic education is necessary and when we make this mandatory, budding leaders and political aspirants will attend schools and college religiously and not go down the criminal/communal street…

    Again, I don’t believe education spoils the leader, that could go for us engineers.. but people studying literature, law or political science will not feel this way…

    Education makes you aware so you don’t need to raise your voice but can counter with cool logic, thats what differentiates P Chidambram from the rest you see..

    But then Varun Gandhi is educated but still doesn’t make much sense..

    Again,

    I do have a lot of respect for what Roadroller did for railways and that he is the most successful minister… but then having a limit ensures that he doesn’t exceed 2 kids and his followers emulate him.. solves a lot of problems no?

    And even if he has some nice ideas, he uses mean and really low tactics to win elections, genius is marred by loss of character..

  6. @ Vasu:

    The song thing is just for fun..! ๐Ÿ˜€
    I liked their new ads though… young and fresh them..

  7. There is a process where you can nullify all the candidates. Do that if you are not happy with the candidates else, some people who have been bought will vote and bring a devil to power.

  8. @Arunima:

    Hey, thanks for paying a visit… I believe you are talking of 49-0 and from what I’ve learnt it has not yet been passed… check me if I am wrong..

  9. […] There is an entrance test for everyone โ€“ PSUs, IITs, AIIMS, IIMs, IAS โ€“ Why not one for Parliament? And we can do with some minimum eligibility criteria for politicians too. […]


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